


Salmon Dean

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blame Jared Padalecki, Crack, Gen, Someone Had To, This is all his fault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 04:30:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7028689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean deals with a witch who's carrying an old grudge and a long memory.  Sam finds it hilarious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Salmon Dean

It’s hard to run on fins.

Luckily for Dean, the witch he’d pissed off had a strange sense of humor. He wasn’t fully transformed. He still had legs. And, for some reason, his leather jacket. Leather had to be the single least practical thing he could be wearing right now. Because the rest of him?

Was a fish.

And a tasty one, if the bear behind him was any indication. Dean’s idea of fishing had always been sitting in a boat or on a dock drinking beer and occasionally casting a line or reeling it in. Catching the fish was never a real priority. He didn’t even like fish. Sam did, which explained why Sam was the smart brother, all that brain food. Sam could probably tell him what kind of fish he was. Not that he cared. As long as he stayed a live fish, an undigested fish, he really didn’t care whether he was a trout or a guppy or a goldfish or whatever other kinds of fish there were. He knew he wasn’t a Nemo or a Dory, because he was comfortable in fresh water and they were saltwater fish.

Or at least, he’d be comfortable if that damn bear wasn’t still chasing him. He’d already fired off a prayer to Cas, but it could still be a while before help came. Meanwhile he couldn’t go too far from the river or he’d dry out.

The rumble of the Impala made Dean stop and breathe a little more easily for a moment. Just for a moment, because he realized Sam wouldn’t necessarily know to shoot the bear. Sam would probably want to pet the damn thing.

“Dean?” Sam shouted. Dean, of course, didn’t answer. It’s hard to blub when you don’t have water. “Dean!”

“He won’t be able to answer,” Castiel said, and Dean breathed a sigh of relief. If Cas was there, then he’d know to look for something weird. Dean dove into the water for a few seconds, just to get the moisture back into his skin, and then took off running toward Sam.

“What the…” Sam said. He stared at Dean. “Is… someone turned Dean into half a fish?”

“A salmon,” Castiel said. “I’ll try to break the spell, you keep watch for the bear.”

“Okay.” Sam readied the rifle. Then he looked back at Cas. “Wait. He’s a salmon? This is salmon Dean?”

“Yes.” Castiel knelt, examining Dean.

Dean understood Sam’s point. In sixth grade, at one school where it was with the elementary, he’d gotten that nickname because he spent as much time hanging out with Sammy as he could get away with. Dean had kicked a few asses, but the nickname stuck even after the bullying attempts stopped.

Although now he realized why that witch had looked vaguely familiar. Jenny Anne MacGregor. She’d been in fifth grade, her brother Eddy in sixth. Eddy had been one of the kids Dean beat up. Jenny Anne never forgave him. Apparently, she’d carried that grudge for twenty-five years.

Cas figured out how to break the spell, and just in time, as the bear came sniffing up from the river bank. Sam aimed, but Cas put out a hand. “Dean’s safe, the bear won’t hurt us. There’s no need to kill it for being a bear.”

“It was gonna eat me,” Dean said.

“You were its natural prey,” Castiel said. “The bear has as much right to live as a fish.”

“I’m not a fish.”

“Not anymore,” Sam said. “Come on, let’s get back to civilization, I’m hungry. I’m thinking fish and chips…”

“I will punch you,” Dean said.

“Too soon? Worried I’ll eat one of your new friends?” Sam ducked as Dean swung. “Seriously, though, we’re done here, right?”

“Gotta find that damn witch, but yeah, I’m pretty sure she’s long gone. Let’s go.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry.  
> Okay, no I'm not.
> 
> Comments are love!


End file.
